Category Archives: Poetry

“Saying Your Names” Poem (By Richard Siken), From The Gay Movie “Beautiful Something”

A “train-of-thought” poem that I found to be both appropriate, and quite beautiful in its emotive power right at the end of a riveting movie.

Chemical names

Burn names

Names of fire and flights of snow

Baby names

Paint names

Delicate names like the bones of the body

Names that nobody has been able to figure out

Names of spells

Names of hexes

Names called out to fill the yard, calling you inside again

Calling you home

Names called out across the water

Names I’ve called you behind your back

Names of flowers that open only once

Shouted from rooftops

Muffled by pillows

Whispered in sleep

We are not traders but the lights go out

His voice on tape

His name on the envelope

The soft sound of a body falling off a bridge behind you

The body hardly makes a sound

All night I stretch my arms across him

Rivers of blood

The dark wood singing with all my skin and bone

Please keep him safe

His lips at my neck

And I do believe his mouth is heaven

His kisses falling all over me like stars

Names of heat

Names of light

Names of collision in the dark on the side of a bus

In the bark of a tree

And a ball point pin* on jeans

And hands on the back of matrix that then get lost

Your name is like a song I sing to myself

Your name is like a box where I keep my love

Your name I can nest in the tree of love

Your name like a boat in the sea of love

For now we are in the sea of love

Your name like a detergent in the washing machine

Your name like two x’s like punched in i’s

To mark the spot

To hold the place

To keep the treasure from becoming ever lost

I’m saying your name in the grocery store

I’m saying your name on a bridge at dawn

Your name like an animal covered with frost

A suit of fur

A coat of mud

A kick in the pants

A lung full of glass

The sail of winds that slap the waves in the hull of a boat

That’s sinking to the sound of mermaids singing songs of love

And the tug of a simple profound sadness when it sounds so far away

We laugh, and it puts the world against us

We laugh and our hearts turn red

The river rises like a barn on fire

It’s a bed of straw, darling

It sure shit is

Say hallelujah, say good night

Say it over the canned music and your feet won’t stumble

His face getting larger

The rest blurring on every side

And angels knocking on your head

A flash in the sky

Here is my hand, my heart, my throat, my wrist

Here are the illuminated cities in the centre of me

And here is the centre of me

Which is a lake, which is a well that we can drink from

I can’t go through with it

I can’t go through with it

I just don’t want to die anymore

* could be “pen”

By Richard Siken. 

Preface to the Poems Composed at the Orchid Pavilion, by Wang Xizhi

The Orchid Pavilion Gathering of 353 CE was a cultural and poetic event during the Six Dynasties era, in China. This event itself has a certain inherent and poetic interest in regard to the development of landscape poetry and the philosophical ideas of Zhuangzi. The gathering at the Orchid Pavilion is also famous for the artistry of the calligraphy of Wang Xizhi who was both one of the participants as well as the author and calligrapher of the Lantingti Xu, or Preface To The Poems Composed At The Orchid Pavilion, not to mention the literary mastery of this introduction.

The Orchid Pavilion Gathering of 42 literati included Xie An and Sun Chuo, and Wang Pin-Chih at the Orchid Pavilion (Lanting) on Mount Kuaiji just south of Kuaiji (present-day Shaoxing in Zhajiang), during the Spring Purification Ceremony on the third day of the third month, to compose poems and enjoy huangjiu. The gentlemen had engaged in a drinking contest: rice-wine cups were floated down a small winding creek as the men sat along its banks; whenever a cup stopped, the man closest to the cup was required to empty it and write a poem. This was known as “floating goblets” (流觴, liúshāng). In the end, twenty-six of the participants composed thirty-seven poems.

蘭亭集序 lán tíng jí xù

王羲之 Wáng Xīzhī

永和九Y年, Yǒnghé jiǔ nián

歲在癸丑, suì zài guǐ chǒu

暮春之初, lán tíng jí xù

會于會稽山陰之蘭亭, huì yú Guìjī Shānyīn zhī lán

修禊事也。 xiūxì shì yě

群賢畢至, qún xián bì zh

少長咸集。 shào zhǎng xián jí

此地有崇山峻嶺, cǐdì yǒu chóngshānjùnlǐng

茂林修竹, màolínxiūzhú

又有清流激湍, yòu yǒu qīngliú jī tuān

映帶左右。 yìng dài zuǒyòu

引以為流觴曲水, 列坐其次; yǐn yǐ wéi liú shāng qū shuǐ, lièzuò qícì

雖無絲竹管弦之盛, suī wú sīzhú guǎnxián zhī shèng

一觴一詠, 亦足以暢敘幽情。yī shāng yī yǒng, yì zúyǐ chàngxù yōuqíng

是日也, 天朗氣清, shì rì yě, tiān lǎng qì qīng

惠風和暢, 仰觀宇宙之大, huìfēnghéchàng, yǎng guān yǔzhòu zhī dà

俯察品類之盛, 所以遊目騁懷, fǔ chá pǐn lèi zhī shèng, suǒyǐ yóu mù chěnghuái

足以極視聽之娛, 信可樂也。zúyǐ jí shìtīng zhī yú, xìn kě lè yě

夫人之相與俯仰一世, fú rén zhī xiāngyǔ fǔyǎng yī shì

或因寄所托, 放浪形骸之外。huò yīn jì suǒ tuō, fànglàngxínghái zhī wài

雖趣舍萬殊, 靜躁 不同, suī qǔshě wàn shū, jìng zào bùtóng

當其欣于所遇, 暫得于己, dāng qí xīn yú suǒ yù, zàn dé yú jǐ

快然自足, 不知老之將至。kuài rán zìzú, bùzhī lǎo zhī jiāng zhì

及其所之既倦, 情隨事, jí qí suǒ zhī jì juàn, qíng suí shì qiān

感慨係之矣。gǎnkǎi xì zhī yǐ

向之所欣, 俯仰之間, xiàng zhī suǒ xīn, fǔyǎng zhī jiān

已為陳迹, 猶不能不以之興懷; yǐ wéi chén jī, yóu bùnéngbù yǐ zhī xìng huái

況修短隨化, 終期于盡。kuàng xiū duǎn suí huà, zhōng qī yú jìn

古人云: [死生亦大矣。] gǔrén yún: sǐ shēng yì dà yǐ

豈不痛哉! qǐbù tòng zāi

每覽昔人興感之由, měi lǎn xí rén xìng gǎn zhī yóu

若合一契, 未嘗不臨文嗟悼, ruò hé yī qì, wèicháng bù lín wén jiē dào

不能喻之于懷。bùnéng yù zhī yú huái

固知一死生為虛誕, gù zhī yī sǐ shēng wéi xūdàn

齊彭殤為妄作。qí péng shāng wéi wàngzuò

後之視今, 亦由今之視昔。hòu zhī shì jīn, yì yóu jīn zhī shì xī

悲夫! 故列敘時人, bēi fú! gù liè xù shí rén

錄其所述, 雖世殊事異, lù qí suǒ shù, suī shì shū shì yì

所以興懷, 其致一也。suǒ yǐ xìng huái, qí zhì yī yě

後之覽者, 亦將有感於斯文。hòu zhī lǎn zhě, yì jiāng yǒu gǎn yú sī wén

Translation

Preface to the poems composed at the Orchid Pavilion/ (by Wang Xizhi)/ It is the ninth year of Emperor Mu of Jin‘s Yongheera (20 Feb 353 – 8 Feb 354)/ The year of the Yin Water Ox/ At the beginning of the third lunar month (after April 20, 353),/ We are all gathered at the orchid pavilion in Shanyin County, GuijiCommandery,/ For the Spring Purification Festival./ All of the prominent people have arrived,/ From old to young./ This is an area of high mountains and lofty peaks,/ With an exuberant growth of trees and bamboos,/ It also has clear rushing water,/ Reflecting the sunlight as it flows past either side of the pavilion./ The guests are seated side by side to play the drinking game where a wine cup is floated down the stream and the first person sitting in front of the cup when it stops must drink./ Although we lack the boisterousness of a live orchestra,/ With a cup of wine here and a reciting of poetry there, it is sufficient to allow for a pleasant exchange of cordial conversations./ Today, the sky is bright and the air is clear,/ With a gentle breeze that is blowing freely. When looking up, one can see the vastness of the heavens,/ And when looking down, one can observe the abundance of things. The contentment of allowing one’s eyes to wander,/ Is enough to reach the heights of delight for the sight and sound. What a joy./ Now all people live in this world together,/ Still others will abandon themselves to reckless pursuits./ Even though everyone makes different choices in life, some thoughtful and some rash,/ When a person meets with joy, he will temporarily be pleased,/ And will feel content, but he is not mindful that old age will soon overtake him./ Wait until that person becomes weary, or has a change of heart about something,/ And will thus be filled with regrets./ The happiness of the past, in the blink of an eye,/ Will have already become a distant memory, and this cannot but cause one to sigh./ In any case, the length of a man’s life is determined by the Creator, and we will all turn to dust in the end./ The ancients have said, “Birth and Death are both momentous occasions.”/ Isn’t that sad!/ Every time I consider the reasons for why the people of old had regrets,/ I am always moved to sadness by their writings,/ And I can not explain why I am saddened./ I most certainly know that it is false and absurd to treat life and death as one and the same,/ And it is equally absurd to think of dying at an old age as being the same as dying at a young age./ When future generations look back to my time, it will probably be similar to how I now think of the past./ What a shame! Therefore, when I list out the people that were here,/ And record their musings, even though times and circumstances will change,/ As for the things that we regret, they are the same./ For the people who read this in future generations, perhaps you will likewise be moved by these words.

Lantingji Xu is Wang Xizhi‘s most famous work, which described the beauty of the landscape around the Orchid Pavilion and the get-together of Wang Xizhi and 41 literati friends. The original is lost. Some believed that it was buried with Emperor Taizong of the Tang dynasty in his mausoleum. This Tang era copy by Feng Chengsu (馮承素), dated between 627-650, is considered the best of all the subsequent copies.[4] It is located in the Palace Museum in Beijing. The scroll is meant to read right to left.

References

Dean Koontz’s “Book Of Counted Sorrows”

For all those Dean Koontz fans, who always wonder about the snippets of poetry at the beginning of many of his books.

The Book of Counted Sorrows was originally a nonexistent book “quoted” in many of Dean Koontz’s books. Koontz subsequently wrote a book of poetry by the same title.[1]

The Book of Counted Sorrows was originally a nonexistent book “quoted” in many of Dean Koontz’s books. Koontz subsequently wrote a book of poetry by the same title.[1]

Non-existent book 
For many years Koontz fans everywhere searched for this elusive book.[citation needed] Many librarians were frustrated in their attempts to locate it,[1] because it did not exist. This was confirmed by a librarian from Cedar Rapids Public Library who corresponded with Koontz regarding this mysterious book. Koontz himself stated that he received up to 3,000 letters per year inquiring about it.[1]
In a letter dated August 10, 1992,m Koontz stated:
Actually, there is no such book. I made it up. The way you made up footnote sources for fabricated facts in high-school English reports. Oh, come on, yes, you did. Sometimes, when I need a bit of verse to convey some of the underlying themes of a section of a novel, I can’t find anything applicable, so I write my own and attribute it to this imaginary tome. I figured readers would eventually realize THE BOOK OF COUNTED SORROWS was my own invention, and I never expected that one day librarians and booksellers would be writing from all over the country, asking for help in tracking down this rare and mysterious volume![2]
Koontz went on to say that he would publish such a book in a few years, when he had enough verses to fill a volume. He included a history of the poems in the beginning of the book, followed by the poems, some having never been in any of his books.[1] According to Shannon Presley of Harvest Books, “Koontz himself wrote the poems, attributed to a Stephen Crane…you can find the collected poems at http://user.xmission.com/~emailbox/koontz/sorrows.htm#Sole_Survivor”

Second non-existent book 

In the beginning of a very few books (such as Odd Thomas), Koontz quotes from The Book of Counted Joys.

Actual Book

In 2001, The Book of Counted Sorrows was published in an e-book format offered exclusively through Barnes & Noble;[3] It was the first book published in Barnes & Noble’s launch of its first-ever list of books from its newly formed electronic-publishing division, Barnes & Noble Digital, and “quickly became Barnesandnoble.com’s best-selling e-books of the year.”[4] Barnes & Noble Digital’s premier 2001 edition is no longer available.

Later that year, Charnel House published two limited editions of the book: a 1250-copy numbered edition and a 26-copy lettered edition.[5] Both editions quickly sold out from the publisher.[citation needed] In the summer of 2009, Dogged Press issued a 3000-copy hardcover edition.

Sources

Greenberg, Martin H.; Gorman, Ed; Munster, Bill, eds. (1994). The Dean Koontz Companion. New York: Berkeley Books.

References

  1. a b c d Dean Koontz. Podcast Episode 25: Book of Counted Sorrows 1 (Podcast). Retrieved July 9, 2011.
  2.  Bauch, Chelsea (December 10, 2010). “When Real Books Inspire Fake Books”. FlavorWire.com. Retrieved July 2, 2011.
  3. “The Book of Counted Sorrows 1”. Retrieved 1 February 2013.
  4. DSN Retailing Today 40 (21). November 5, 2001. p. 6 http://infotrac.galegroup.com/itw/infomark/795/268/10838164w16/purl=rc1_PRS_0_A79867442&dyn=5!xrn_1_0_A79867442?sw_aep=frlopacplus. Missing or empty |title= (help)
  5.  Stefko, Joe (2001). The Book of Counted Sorrows. Retrieved July 2, 2011. Illustrated by Theresa De Perez
  6. Charnel House Press Ki

From Wikipedia – https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Book_of_Counted_Sorrows

               In the fields of life, a harvest 

                  sometimes comes far out of season,

                  when we thought the earth was old

                   and could see no earthly reason

                   to rise for work at break of dawn,

                   and put our muscles to the test.

                 With winter here and autumn gone,

                   it just seems best to rest, to rest. 

                    But under winter fields so cold,

                  wait the dormant seeds of seasons

                  unborn, and so the heart does hold

                   hope that heals all bitter lesions.

                    In the fields of life, a harvest.



               Life is a gift that must be given back

               and joy should arise from its possession.

                It’s too damned short, and that’s a fact.

                Hard to accept, this earthly procession

                  to final darkness is a journey done,

                 circle completed, work of art sublime,

                 a sweet melodic rhyme, a battle won.



                  Death is no fearsome mystery.

                   He is well known to thee and me.

                    He had no secrets he can keep

                   to trouble any good man’s sleep.

             
                 Turn not thy face from Death away.

                  Care not he takes our breath away.

                  Fear him not, he’s not thy master,

                     rushing at thee faster, faster.

                    Not thy master but servant to

                   the Maker of thee, what or Who

                     created Death, created thee

                       and is the only mystery                   

                   

                           In the real world

                            as in dreams,

                           nothing is quite

                           what it seems.

           

                         Life without meaning

                          cannot be borne.

                          We find a mission

                        to which we’re sworn

                         – or answer the call

                        of Death’s dark horn.

                         Without a gleaning

                          of purpose in life,

                         we have no vision,

                           we live in strife,

                           or let blood fall

                          on a suicide knife.



                      Nowhere can a secret keep

                    always secret, dark and deep,

                      half so well as in the past,

                      buried deep to last, to last.



                    Keep it in your own dark heart,

                     otherwise the rumors start.



                    After many years have buried

                    secrets over which you worried,

                     no confidant can then detray

                     all the words you didn’t say.



                      Only you can then exhume

                     secrets safe within the tomb

                       of memory, of memory,

                     within the tomb of memory

.
                          In the real world 

                            as in dreams,

                           nothing is quite

                           what it seems.



                         Vibrations in a wire.

                             Ice crystals

                         in a beating heart.

                              Cold fire.



                          A mind’s frigidity:

                            frozen steel,

                        dark rage, morbidity.

                              Cold fire.



                          Defense against 

                             a cruel life

                          death and strife:

                              Cold fire.



                      Living in the modern age,

                     death for virtue is the wage.

                     So it seems in darker hours.

                     Evil wins, kindness cowers.



                      Ruled by violence and vice

                     We all stand upon thin ice.

                     Are we brave or are we mice,

                    here upon such thin, thin ice?



                    Dare we linger, dare we skate?

                     Dare we laugh or celebrate,

                   knowing we may strain the ice?

                     Preserve the ice at any price?



                         Faraway in China,

                      the people sometimes say,

                        life is often bitter and

                         all too seldom gay.

                        Bitter as dragon tears,

                    great cascades of sorrows flood

                         down all the years,

                      drowning our tomorrows.



                         Faraway in China,

                         the people also say,

                       life is sometimes joyous

                         if all too often gray,

                      Although life is seasoned

                       with bitter dragon tears,

                       seasoning is just a spice

                      within our brew Of years.

                       Bad times are only rice,

                      tears are one more flavour,

                      that gives us sustenance,

                       something we can savor.

               Those who would banish the sin of greed

                embrace the sin of envy as their creed.

                Those who seek to banish envy as well,

                only draw elaborate new maps of hell.



               Those with passion to change the world,

                look of themselves as saints, as pearls,

               and by the launching of noble endeavor,

                  flee dreaded introspection forever.



                     Evil is no faceless stranger,

                   living in a distant neighborhood.

                Evil has a wholesome, hometown face,

                  with merry eyes and an open smile.

                 Evil walks among us, wearing a mask

                    which looks like all our faces.



                   Beaches, surfers, California girls.

                 Wind scented with fabulous dreams.

                   Bougainvillea, groves of oranges.

                  Stars are born, everything gleams.



                   A weather change. Shadows fall.

                  New scent upon the wind – decay.

                  Cocaine, Uzis, drive-by shootings.

                  Death is a banker. Everyone pays.



                 Under the winter moon’s pale light,

                   across the cold and starry night,

                 from snowy mountains soaring high

                    to ocean shores echoes the cry.

                 From barren sands to verdant fields,

                   from city streets to lonely wealds,

                   cries the tortured human heart,

                   seeking solace, wisdom, a chart

                   by which to understand its plight

                  under the winter moon’s pale light.

                   Dawn is unable to fade the night.

                    Must we live ‘ever in the blight

                  under the winter moon’s cold light,

                  lost in loneliness, hate, and fright,

                  last night, tonight, tomorrow night

                 under the winter moon’s bleak light?



                Winter that year was strange and gray.

                The damp wind smelled of Apocalypse,

                and morning skies had a peculiar way

                  of slipping cat-quick into the night.



               At the point where hope and reason part,

               lies the spot where madness gets a start.

                 Hope to make world kinder and free –

                  but flowers af hope root in reality.



               No peaceful bed exists for lamb and lion,

               unless on some world out beyond Orion.

              Do not instruct the owls to spare the mice.

                 Owls acting as owls must is not vice

.
               Storms do not respond to heartfelt pleas.

               All the words of men can’t calm the seas.

                Nature – always beneficent and cruel –

                  won’t change for wise man or fool.



              Mankind shares all Nature’s imperfections,

                 clearly visible to casual inspections.

               Resisting betterment is the human trait.

                 The ideal of utopia is our tragic fate.



               Those who would banish the sin of greed

                embrace the sin of envy as their creed.

                Those who seek to banish envy as well,

                only draw elaborate new maps of hell.



               Those with passion to change the world,

                look on themselves as saints, as pearls,

               and by the launching of noble endeavor,

                  flee dreaded introspection forever

.
                      All of us are travelers lost,

                     our tickets arranged at a cost

                   unknown but beyond our means.

                     This odd itinerary of scenes

                    – enigmatic, strange, unreal –

                     leaves us unsure how to feel.

                    No postmortem journey is rife

                     with more mystery than life

.
                     Tremulous skeins of destiny

                         flutter so ethereally

                     around me – but then I feel

                      its embrace is that of steel.



                      On the road that I taken,

                     one day, walking, I awaken,

                  amazed to see where I have come,

                   where I’m going, where I’m from.



                    This is not the path I thought.

                    This is not the place I sought.

                    This is not the dream I bought,

                    just a fever of fate I’ve caught.



                   I’ll change highways in a while,

                   at the crossroads, one more mile.

                    My path is lit by my own fire.

                    I’m going only where I desire.



                    On the road that I have taken,

                     one day, walking, I awaken.

                     One day, walking, I awaken,

                    on the road that I have taken.



                 Hope is the destination that we seek.

                  Love is the road that leads to hope.

                 Courage is the motor that drives us.

                 We travel out of darkness into faith.



                   Holy men tell us life is a mystery.

                 They embrace that concept happily.

                   But some mysteries bite and bark

                   and come to get you in the dark.



                 Darkness devours every shining day.

             Darkness demands and always have its way.

                   Darkness listens, watches, waits.

               Darkness claims the day and celebrates.

                Sometimes in silence darkness comes.

              Sometimes with a gleeful banging of drums.



                 We can embrace love, it’s not to late.

                 Why do we sleep, instead, with hate?

                    Belief requires no suspension

                   to see that Hell is our invention.

                 We make Hell real; we stoke its fires.

                  And in its flames our hope expires.

                  Heaven, too, is merely our creation.

              We can grant ourselves our own salvation.

                  All that’s requires is imagination.



                  Is there some meaning to this life?

                 What purpose lies behind the strife?

              Whence do we come, where are we bound?

                These cold questions echo and resound

                 Through each day, each lonely night.

                  We long to find the splendid light

                   That will cast a revelatory beam

               Upon the meaning of the human dream.



                      Courage, love, friendship,

                      Compassion, and empathy

                    Lift us above the simple beasts

                        And define humanity.



               To know the darkness is to love the light,

           to welcome dawn and fear the coming and night.



                 Night has patterns that can be read

                  less by the living than by the dead.



                      Where eerie figures caper

                       to some midnight music

                       that only they can hear.



                 Every eye sees its own special vision;

                 every ear hears a most different song.

              In each man’s troubled heart, and incision

                would reveal a unique, shameful wrong.



               Stranger fiends hide here in human guise

                   than reside in the valleys of Hell.

                But goodness, kindness and love arise

                 in the heart of the poor beast, as well.



                     Pestilence, disease, and war

                        haunt this sorry place.

                      And nothing lasts forever;

                    that’s a truth we have to face.



                    We spend vast energy and time

                    plotting death for one another.

                    No one, nowhere, is ever safe.

                     Not father, child, or mother.



                  Is the end of the world a-coming?

                 Is that the devil they hear humming?

                 Are those doomsday bells a-ringing?

                  Is that the Devil they hear singing?



                 Or are their dark fears exaggerated?

                  Are these doom-criers addlepated?



                Those who fear the coming of all Hells

              are those who should be feared themselves.



                          There’s no escape

                       From death’s embrace,

                        though you lead it on

                           a merry chase

.
                          The dogs of death

                           enjoy the chase.

                          Just see the smile

                        on each hound’s face.



                         The chase can’t last;

                         the dogs must feed.

                         It will come to pass

                        with terrifying speed.



                       The hounds, the hounds

                      come baying at his heels.

                      The hounds! The hounds!

                     The breath of death he feels.



                      Numberless paths of night

                      wind away from twilight.



                  Something moves within the night

                   that is not good and is not right.



                       The whisper of the dusk

                      is night shedding its husk.



                   Holy men tell us life is a mytery.

                 They embrace that concept happily.

                   But some mysteries bite and bark

                   and come to get you in the dark.



                 A rain of shadows, a storm, a squall!

                 Daylight retreats; night swallows all.

                   If good is bright, if evil is gloom,

                  high evil walls the world entombs.

                Now comes the end, the drear, Darkfall.



                 Darkness devours every shining day.

              Darkness demands and always has its way.

                   Darkness listens, watches, waits.

               Darkness claims the day and celebrates.

                Sometimes in silence darkness comes.

              Sometimes with a gleeful banging of drums.



                We can embrace love; it’s not too late.

                 Why do we sleep, instead, with hate?

                    Belief requires no suspension

                   to see that Hell is our invention.

                 We make Hell real; we stoke its fires.

                  And in its flames our hope expires.

                  Heaven, too, is merely our creation.

              We can grant ourselves out own salvation.

                  All that’s required is imagination.



                   To see what we have never seen,

                    to be what we have never been.

                    To shed the chrysalis and fly,

                    depart the earth, kiss the sky,

                    to be reborn, be someone new:

                     is this a dream or is it true.



                   Can our future be cleanly shorn

                   from a life to which we’re born?

                    Is each of us a creature free – 

                    or trapped at birth by destiny?

                   Pity those who believe the latter.

                  Without freedom, nothing matters.



                          In the real world

                            as in dreams

                           nothing is quite

                           what it seems.

                            

Unrequited (To Paul)

Love
In its many incarnations,
Has led us both down different roads
And has now separated us yet again,
Though this time you are far away.
I remember fondly the years we spent together,
The sex, the holding each other tight
And smile gently as I remember
The look in your eyes whenever we met when out.
And that night so far away now
Before another love held my sway,
When you stared so hard into my eyes
And then just turned and walked away.
You knew then that I loved you.
Through all our other relationships
This love has never died,
And as often as I managed to tell you
Time was not to be kind to us,
And apart we are always to be.
But I still wonder, as I lay in bed at night
What would be the way
If suddenly you should reappear
And the love that, though not lost
Is rekindled to its passion.
Could I bear it yet again?
To be separated from you
Knowing that what we had
Should have been.
And only us, caught up in other lives
Denied what should have been.
Paul, I still love you
You are the unrequited love of my life,

Tim Alderman
(C) 2002

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Bodies

This poem contains strong gay sexual content.
Please DO NOT READ IF SEXUAL CONTENT OFFENDS

If you are not offended the password is 4590.

Your thrusting flesh inside me
I sigh
The pleasure only for me
Your mouth all over my body
I moan
Sweat pores down over shiny skin
Hair drips on face
Testosterone aroma pervades the air
You sigh
I pummel into your body
I suck the love from you
You moan
Together in unison we cum
An ecstatic explosion of sex and pleasure
Lust
Desire
Power
Male to male
As one.

Tim Alderman
Copyright ©2001

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Poem

Metre and rhyme
So they teach
Is how the poem goes
Pentamic ways of old
Cat rhymes with bat
Love rhymes with dove
Aardvark rhymes with…..
Don’t write verse about
Aardvarks

Long short short
Short short metre of old
Dactylic hexameters…what the!
Classic poems of old
Lambic pentameter
Vedic and Sanskrit metre
Hendecasyllable which rhymes
With nothing

Lines and half lines
Stressed/unstressed
Ceasura…what the!
Trochaic, Spondaic,
Anapestic, Amphibrachic,
Pyrrhic
More like diseases than verse
All this to say
This is how I feel
This is today.

Lost in laws of language
Taught as days of old
All these strictures
All this binding
To confuse, confound
I choose to ignore
Refuse to conform
Free-form
As the words come
Commitment to paper
True from the heart
Unrhymed, unmetred
Fuck you I say
While thinking
Fuck rhymes with duck

Tim Alderman
(C) 2014

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The Storyteller

Many have gone before me
Just a few remain.
Stories of hopes and dreams
Of fun and laughter
Bravery and love.
Stories to be told,
Lives that have lived and loved,
Entwined into mine and yours
Inextricably binding us together through time.
Yet I remain.
Am I the storyteller?
Am I the one who remembers
And holds together
All these peoples lives?
Who holds within my heart their love?
Am I the one
Who lives out their dreams?
For indeed dreams they had and held
Before the thread was broken.
Am I he who tells the tales
Of hopes, and bravery
Of fun and laughter
And love?

Tim Alderman
(C) 2013

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The Tunnel

This was inspired by the long pedestrian tunnel linking Central station in Sydney to the UTS Campus and Sydney TAFE.

Green tiled umbilicus
Linking the silver rails
To the city streets.
Louder as I walk
The sound of digeridoo,
The sharp click of rhythm stick
I pass.
Overhead, the distant rumble of train passing on
To a destination unknown
Taking people to places unseen.
Sound of Koto and Japanese pipe
I pass
People rushing pass
Never taking time to listen
To the sounds that can transport them
To a world outside themselves.
Sound of singer never destined to be
I pass
Should I tell him?
Drop a coin in box and say
This is not to be.
Loud raucous music from guitar
I pass
Never stopping.
Never looking.
I pass.

Tim Alderman
(C) 2002

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Expurgation

A number of years ago, I spent some time as a monk in a contemplative monastery. I thought I may have had a vocation. It was a cleft in the rock of life to hide away while I found myself. Hidden away in that silent cloister I saw that I was just denying myself the life I needed to lead – as a gay man – and also saw abuses of power, subjugation of sexuality, and betrayal of trust! For someone who was already doubting belief in God – more so as the years rolled on – it was the straw that broke the camels back. By the time I came out, I was an Atheist. It is a position I do not regret!

Cloister arches, dark and cool
Within the breath of God.
Fire lost, extinguished, I search
For light, a leading way.
Sanctuary lamp sputters
Within the sacred choir
Haze of incense smoke from
Thurible
Now unmoving, chains tangled
Upon the altar top.

Monstrance
Held high in adoration,
Throne empty of Body of Christ.
Chant of monks
Mea culpa, mea culpa
Rustle of robes,
Clack of beads,
Clang of sanctuary bells,
Unfeeling, I’m lost to faith
No longer blinded,
No longer blind,
No longer.

Chalice of blood held high,
Bowed heads, mutter of prayer.
Break the bread, genuflect,
Strike your breast in fear
Of retribution while living,
While dead.
Choices to make,
Made
In an instant of time.
Desert the dorter,
Flee from the frater
Washed hands over lavatorium bowl,
Sprinkled water from asperges
Like raindrops upon
The sacred ground.
Behold
Tabernacle thrown open,
Its emptiness shines within,
Without.
Cowled head bent in silent prayer,
As a soul slips quietly by.

Meditation upon a valley rise,
Hail Mary, Hail Mary,
Rest in green pastures.
Thy kingdom come,
Not mine.
A world awaits,
A life,
A time.
Close a door,
Another door beyond awaits.
Cast aside robes,
Cast aside faith.
Believing,
Yet not,
Praying,
Yet not.
A sigh, a whisper,
An echo in the nave.
Lost to God, lost to man.
A wanderers journey begins.

Tim Alderman
Copyright ©2002

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The Promenade

This poem was entered in a competition back in my uni days. The Bondi History Society were after piems on Bondi beach to use in marketing. I received a note from them to say it had nearly won. Nearly!

Promenade walkers gaze to sea

Many only see the sand

Browned bodies worshipping
In the Heat
And waves washing ashore.
They do not see
The beauty of a sunrise
Over distant horizon
Or the grandeur of a sunset
Spreading its setting rays
Over the still, summer sea.
They know not the history
Of this place where indeed
Many of us call home
Of ancient rush-filled lagoons
Now covered by bustling roads
Of the rocks tossed by waves
On its northern side
Nor the story of the mermaids
Who on the rocks
Damaged by rain and tide
Reside still.
Indigenous carvings hidden on rocks
Now aged by time.
This is my Bondi
Not a home to aimless seekers
Nor those who care not why it is here.

Tim Alderman
Copyright ©2001

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