Tag Archives: disability

Disabling The Disabled

Article, Health Information, , , ,

Can I be blunt here? One of the biggest problems of living with disabilities is that people think you are disabled!

Forgive me for delving into my nightly vice of “Home and Away” but they were covering the touchy subject of Alzheimer’s recently. Irene Roberts had been diagnosed with this, and not only were they handling the subject quite sympathetically, there is a touch of scary realism that many of us with disabilities are faced with. Irene had decided to travel overseas for whatever remains of her lucid periods. However, John Palmer is convinced that this is a bad decision on her part, and was being quite vocal about it, telling her that travel overseas is dangerous, and that selling her home to finance it would leave her with no assets. Irene was sticking with her decision, and had put plans in place to cover any contingency. But can you see what John was done here? He’s decided that seeing as Irene has to deal with the disabling effects of Alzheimers, that she’s become incapable of making decisions for herself. Everyone is doing what they consider to be helping her…but no one asks her if that is what she wants! She doesn’t necessarily want things to be easier! She wants to be seen as an independent person, capable of making her own decisions!

Yes, this is only happening on a daily soap, but it raises an important issue…the attempts by outside forces to influence the decisions of someone with a disability, attempts to downplay their ability to make decisions, to try to control their lives, and disempowers them.

I’m legally blind (an important label when accessing services), and have mobility and balance issues due to medication-induced peripheral neuropathy. I’m on an aged care home support package, and access services through a service provider. Overall, I’m pleased with the services I get, which includes cleaning and assisted shopping. One of the workers who takes me shopping mothers me! I hate it…my friends will tell you I’m very independent…and despite attempts on my part to assert that I do not like it, and can make my own decisions, they persist, so I just grin and bear it. I know they mean well, but they have been taught that disabled people are DIS-abled, so they need to take control when out with us.

Many well-intentioned people make the mistake of trying to take control from us, with unwanted assistance. When I used to use a white cane (something I no longer use, as they can be dangerous on badly maintained paths and concourses), when crossing roads at crossings or lights, they would just grab my arm to guide me across. It would seem logical to me that if I’m out and about on my own, that I’m capable of doing things like crossing roads without help. The problem is…they don’t ask if I need help, it is just assumed I do. It is not only rude, it’s an attempt to take away my power to decide things for myself!

Every morning I walk my dog, I walk down the street to meet friends for lunch, or to do shopping. I go to an exercise physiology gym to do balance and stretch classes (they go out of their way so ensure I can navigate a very equipment-crowded gym, and that my requests for easily seen equipment…and placement of…during classes is seen too). Obviously I write articles, using a large font. I read books, also using a large font, or access audiobooks. I look after myself on a day-to-day basis, doing laundry, bathing, preparing meals, I memorise the number of steps I need to negotiate, in the absence of disability ramps, the safest routes to take to access shops and services. So I actually lead a pretty normal, mundane life despite the absence of vision. If I need to access things in unfamiliar territory, I either use my service providers drivers, or ask friends to go with me. In other words, I’m regulating my own life. If you want to assist me…please just ask me if I need help!

Despite the Invictus Games, the disabled Olympics, and other peer led examples of blind and physically disabled activities, there is still a perception that when we are in public places, we need to be helped, as we are incapable of making decisions for ourselves. Please…don’t just move in to help without asking permission! We are more than capable of developing our own coping mechanisms. This is how we empower ourselves. Of course, this doesn’t apply to everyone who wants to help, but experience has taught me that many act without thinking first.

Remember…if we need help, we’ll ask! At that point, we appreciate it.

Tim Alderman ©️2025

Be A Local Disability Advocate.

Article, Autobiography, General Interest, HIV/AIDS, , ,

I’m a 41 year long term survivor of HIV/AIDS. I’m severely vision-impaired from CMV, and mobility challenged from one of the early drugs designed to prolong our lives.

I used to see HIV disability as a singular issue, but ageing…I’m now 70…has turned that thinking around. No matter if you are disabled as a result of birth, accidents, stupidity, or illness such as HIV, all disabled people share one thing in common. We’re disabled! And quite often, this world is designed manufactured and built by people who aren’t. To make things worse, many think they know what disabled people need…without consulting with us!

I live in a Central Coast village. Footpaths here are a luxury. Residents usually walk on the roads, as having a sand base, the grass verges are a minefield. I’m lucky in that we have several new paths, though to use them when walking into the village adds several minutes to the journey. I also have to cross 3 busy roads. There is a pedestrian refuge on one, and a crossing on another, but the busiest middle one has no safe crossing. You not only need to watch traffic from four directions, but you have to step onto the road to see around parked vehicles. I’ve had several close calls crossing this road, and I dread crossing it!

In consultation with my local member…also disabled and in a wheelchair…we have put in a submission to council to have some sort of crossing put in there, not just for disabled people, but also to guard the safety of school kids, and the elderly using that path. Considering council is supposedly disabled-aware,they are certainly procrastinating. Safety aware indeed! Not!

Likewise the car park and entry access area of our local RSL were badly edge marked, and with a dangerous ramp to the clubs entry area. In bright sunlight, you could not see the pale yellow fluro markings at all! Coming out of the club into sunlight, I could not see the access ramp at all, and relied on friends or kindly members to get me safely to the ramp. Submissions from me and several other vision impaired people saw the whole car park remarked, and the club entryway reconfigured.

It is very empowering when you are listened to, and suggestions are acted on.,

I used to be frightened to speak up about these things, but if nothing is said, nothing changes. As disabled people, we have a right to be able to move safely around our local areas. Whether able-bodied or disabled, if you know of dangers in your local area, be an advocate and speak up. Small changes can save a life.

Tim Alderman 2024 ©️

Daily (Or When The Mood Takes Me) Gripe: Gay Superficiality!

biography, Gay Interest, , , , ,

Please view, then read my commentary below;

http://www.samesame.com.au/news/11585/YouTuber-says-If-youre-over-40-or-not-a-model-youre-pushed-aside

I guess I am just used to being ignored – except for a select few – on gay sex apps. Fuck, I’m over 60, and I have a disability – though in reality that shouldn’t mean anything! Though we don’t live our lives grounded in reality in the gay community, do we! No sir, we don’t!

As Sam Lugi states ” If you are over 40, don’t look like a model or have a disability, you are pushed aside”, and this is, unfortunately, true! Add to that not being “wealthy” and not having a big cock! I got disillusioned with it a long time ago, and ashamed that over the decades the community has never really grown-up, and moved into the real world.

At one stage on the sex apps – I use Grindr, Gaydar and Scruff – I actually found myself putting myself down, as it seemed a way to discourage those frightened off by disabilities…but in reality made me look like a bit of a victim. Then, as an antedate that I became too aggressive which then scared the shit out of people. Now, I try to be comedic and long-winded. I figure if they are willing to read my whole profile, then contact me, they sre worthwhile. However, that doesn’t discount the 15 or 20 others who view my profile and ignore me…many because they are after perfection, so you know automatically by reading their profiles that you are either too old, or because you have an obvious disability. I used to find the same in the bars, so why would the apps be any different!

I hate being dismissed because I’m an older man. I was young once on the scene, and helped to gain many of the rights that the younger ones now enjoy! In many other communities I would be highly respected for that alone. Considering my age, I’m not all that bad looking. I still have all my hair, I’m fit and healthy and can hold a conversation. Puts me way above many others, who can’t get past “Hi” or “Oh yeah”. I regularly quit chars because they never give you anything to feed off. At least the guys who just want to see photos of my cock, or want me to talk dirty while they wank off are usually honest about it.

The gay community really needs a reality check…though who ir what provides it is going to be interesting to see ! In the interim, don’t sell ourself out to the phony, small-minded body fascists! Maintain your dignity and self-respect? But most of all – love yourself!