Can I be blunt here? One of the biggest problems of living with disabilities is that people think you are disabled!

Forgive me for delving into my nightly vice of “Home and Away” but they were covering the touchy subject of Alzheimer’s recently. Irene Roberts had been diagnosed with this, and not only were they handling the subject quite sympathetically, there is a touch of scary realism that many of us with disabilities are faced with. Irene had decided to travel overseas for whatever remains of her lucid periods. However, John Palmer is convinced that this is a bad decision on her part, and was being quite vocal about it, telling her that travel overseas is dangerous, and that selling her home to finance it would leave her with no assets. Irene was sticking with her decision, and had put plans in place to cover any contingency. But can you see what John was done here? He’s decided that seeing as Irene has to deal with the disabling effects of Alzheimers, that she’s become incapable of making decisions for herself. Everyone is doing what they consider to be helping her…but no one asks her if that is what she wants! She doesn’t necessarily want things to be easier! She wants to be seen as an independent person, capable of making her own decisions!

Yes, this is only happening on a daily soap, but it raises an important issue…the attempts by outside forces to influence the decisions of someone with a disability, attempts to downplay their ability to make decisions, to try to control their lives, and disempowers them.

I’m legally blind (an important label when accessing services), and have mobility and balance issues due to medication-induced peripheral neuropathy. I’m on an aged care home support package, and access services through a service provider. Overall, I’m pleased with the services I get, which includes cleaning and assisted shopping. One of the workers who takes me shopping mothers me! I hate it…my friends will tell you I’m very independent…and despite attempts on my part to assert that I do not like it, and can make my own decisions, they persist, so I just grin and bear it. I know they mean well, but they have been taught that disabled people are DIS-abled, so they need to take control when out with us.

Many well-intentioned people make the mistake of trying to take control from us, with unwanted assistance. When I used to use a white cane (something I no longer use, as they can be dangerous on badly maintained paths and concourses), when crossing roads at crossings or lights, they would just grab my arm to guide me across. It would seem logical to me that if I’m out and about on my own, that I’m capable of doing things like crossing roads without help. The problem is…they don’t ask if I need help, it is just assumed I do. It is not only rude, it’s an attempt to take away my power to decide things for myself!

Every morning I walk my dog, I walk down the street to meet friends for lunch, or to do shopping. I go to an exercise physiology gym to do balance and stretch classes (they go out of their way so ensure I can navigate a very equipment-crowded gym, and that my requests for easily seen equipment…and placement of…during classes is seen too). Obviously I write articles, using a large font. I read books, also using a large font, or access audiobooks. I look after myself on a day-to-day basis, doing laundry, bathing, preparing meals, I memorise the number of steps I need to negotiate, in the absence of disability ramps, the safest routes to take to access shops and services. So I actually lead a pretty normal, mundane life despite the absence of vision. If I need to access things in unfamiliar territory, I either use my service providers drivers, or ask friends to go with me. In other words, I’m regulating my own life. If you want to assist me…please just ask me if I need help!

Despite the Invictus Games, the disabled Olympics, and other peer led examples of blind and physically disabled activities, there is still a perception that when we are in public places, we need to be helped, as we are incapable of making decisions for ourselves. Please…don’t just move in to help without asking permission! We are more than capable of developing our own coping mechanisms. This is how we empower ourselves. Of course, this doesn’t apply to everyone who wants to help, but experience has taught me that many act without thinking first.

Remember…if we need help, we’ll ask! At that point, we appreciate it.

Tim Alderman ©️2025