The Christmas happy families scenario is certainly shoved down our throats as we go through the lead up to Christmas Day. I have never really gotten into the whole traditional family thing at this time of the year…it holds too many sad memories. The death of my younger brother, the deaths of friends during the HIV years have all led to a certain melancholy during the “festive” season, and I’m not alone in that. Add in those of us getting older who have lost all their family, or those from alienation or dysfunctional backgrounds, and for many it is a lonely time of the year.

I spent my one and only Christmas Day on my own just after moving…temporarily…to Melbourne. It was a maudlin day, ending up in a haze of scotch drinking. I swore it would never happen again. Like many from dysfunctional backgrounds, my alternative “gay family” have always filled the missing gaps in my life, always in a more caring way than I otherwise would have spent it.

So what can we do to alleviate the loneliness of Christmas? When I lived in Darlinghurst, chats with friends at the pub made me realise how many had nowhere to go on Christmas Day, so we started organising “Orphans Christmas” at our apartment in The Dorchester. It was a totally open invitation, spread by word-of-mouth. We usually hosted a dozen-odd people on the day, with others coming later in the day from family gatherings that just got “too much”! In the early days I catered until the expense got too much, so it became a bring-a-plate-and-a-small-gift thing. I loved those days. They were a lot of fun. These days I go to my local club with a couple of close friends, though not the cheapest of ways to celebrate. Many local charities put on Christmas Day spreads, and a visit from Santa, for those who find themselves on their own. These are generally either no cost, or low cost events, and can be a fun way to meet new people from diverse backgrounds.

If you do have to spend the day alone, don’t let the loneliness get the better of you. Celebrate in your own company…make an occasion of it. Decorate your space, prepare yourself a full 3-course feast, buy and wrap yourself a gift…or many, or keep gifts given to you to unwrap on the day. Move yourself past what the day used to represent, and embrace it as a celebration of self, and indulge yourself.

Merry Christmas everyone

Tim Alderman ©️ 2024